


Funny How the Rest of the World Seems to See It

by AppleJuiz



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Identity Issues, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6843619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleJuiz/pseuds/AppleJuiz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“He loved you,” Bucky says, when they're in the air, having left all Steve's friends behind in all sorts of danger, heading off to Siberia where they'll face god knows what. So the timing's not perfect. In fact, it's pretty shit timing, but he isn't sure when else he'll have the chance to tell him. “I know you love him, and I just thought you should know that he loved you too.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Funny How the Rest of the World Seems to See It

**Author's Note:**

> Just another little drabble in my attempt to cope with Civil War. That conversation on the quinjet went somewhere and I will write it a million different times so prepare.

Everyone else sees it.  Every girl he danced with in Brooklyn. Peggy Carter, all the Commandos, Howard Stark, Colonel Phillips, half of the 107th. The only had to look at the two of them together, or watch how one talked about the other and they would know. Maybe not the full extent but to anyone watching Bucky Barnes knew that he loved Steve more than anything else in the world.  And anyone watching Steve knew it wasn one sided.  

Yet for all that they watched each other, they were the only ones who didn't see it.

Except now, reliving every memory, every moment with Steve from the perspective of someone on the outside of them, he finally sees it.  All the moments where Steve stared at him with nothing but love in his eyes that at the time he dismissed as friendship he sees now for what they actually were.  

All it takes is exchanging a few words with Steve in his apartment to know.  From the way he speaks to the way he looks at Bucky, he knows Steve still loves him. Except not him, Bucky Barnes.

Only now it’s too late.  Because Bucky Barnes died when he fell off that train.  Who he is now is not the same man, despite having all his old memories, and he doesn't think any amount of recovering is going to change that.  He can't be the man that Steve once loved, or thinks he still does love.  He's not even sure if he loves Steve, or if it's just the memories.  

But whether or not he loves Steve, doesn't change the fact that he'll do anything for Steve. Yeah, he probably loves Steve. But not the same as Before. 

“He loved you,” Bucky says, when they're in the air, having left all Steve's friends behind in all sorts of danger, heading off to Siberia where they'll face god knows what. So the timing's not perfect. In fact, it's pretty shit timing, but he isn't sure when else he'll have the chance to tell him. “I know you love him, and I just thought you should know that he loved you too.”

Steve is silent, shoulders tense as he stares into the vast expanse of sky in front of them. 

“Who?” Steve asks after a few seconds. Bucky swallows. 

“The old me. The old Bucky,” he explains, staring at the ground. Steve exhales sharply. “I'm sorry... that you lost him, and that I'm not him. Because I'm not, Steve. I wish I could be sometimes.”

“Don't,” Steve protests, turning around in his seat. “You don't have to be anyone but you. Not for me and not for anyone. And I understand it, if you don't want to… associate with me anymore after this.”

“Steve, no,” he says, shaking his head. “That's not what this is. I promise. I just wanted you to know, I don't know, that if you ever felt that it was… That he didn't love you the way you loved him, it's not… He did. He loved you more than you could even imagine. And… Well I'm not him, but I could… I-not as much as he did, but I-I love you, too.”

He physically bites his tongue to stop the words from spewing out. Steve stares some more, leaning forward.

“I don't… I'm confused,” Steve says, eyebrows furrowing. “I don't- I-”

Bucky takes a deep breath and stands up, walking over to Steve's chair. Steve's eyes go wide, freezing in place, as Bucky drops into his lap. 

“Buck, what're you-?” Steve gasps. Bucky leans in carefully, placing his real hand on Steve's cheek and the metal one on the back of his chair. His stomach is turning with nerves, heart pounding anxiously. 

But after decades of waiting, there's nothing short of another plane crash that will keep him from kissing Steve. It feels better than he ever imagined it would, like forgiveness for every sin the Winter Soldier committed, like salvation and a happy ever after and a million other things that he doesn't deserve. 

Steve tastes like the hot dogs they had before driving to the airport. His lips are rough and chapped, snagging against Bucky’s as their mouths glide together. Steve's hands fist in the back of his best, pulling him infinitely closer, holding him gently. 

Until Steve pushes him back. He tries chasing after the kiss, but Steve places his hands on Bucky's shoulders. 

“Why are you doing this?” Steve asks, eyes tight. Bucky's heart plummets. 

“I didn't… Steve, I,” he stammers, hands spamming against Steve's shoulders. 

“You didn't have to,” Steve says. “Don't do this if you think you're-you're-”

“I wasn't… I- You want this, you've always wanted this.  I know you don't want me, you want him, but I can be him for you.”

“No,” Steve protests, shaking his head.  “You- don't…”

“I can do this,” Bucky insists. “Steve, he wanted this so much, I promise.  You want it, right?”

“What I want doesn't matter.”

“Steve!”

“What do you want?” Steve asks, hand stuttering forward to rest on Bucky's neck. “Do you want this? Because I don't want this unless you do.”

“Y-yes,” he answers, heart jumping. 

“Bucky, please. Do you really want this?”

“I-I want to.”

“But do you?” Steve asks. “You gotta tell me, Buck.”

Bucky leans forward, burying his nose against Steve's neck. 

“Please, Steve,” he whispers, pressing his mouth to his pulse point. 

“What? What do you want?” Steve says, hand stroking through his hair. 

“Let me do this for you,” Bucky says, kissing up his neck to his jaw. 

“What about you?” Steve asks. “I want to take care of you.”

“You are,” he insists. “You're giving up everything for me.”

“Because I love you, all of you, not just who you used to be,” Steve says. “And I want to do all of this for you. I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything to pay me back.”

“I don't,” Bucky says. “I just want… I don't know what I want. I'm sorry. I'm not sure if it's me or the Soldier or anyone else that's up here.  But I want to love you, I want you to have this.”

“I want you to be happy,” Steve says. “That's all that matters to me.”

“You make me happy,” Bucky breathes. 

Steve sighs contently, kissing his forehead. 

“Then that's enough. We have time. Probably. So we can take this at your pace, until you know what you want. I don't want to do anything you might regret.”

“I wouldn't regret it,” Bucky says. “I could never regret you.”

Steve smiles softly, placing a feather light kiss on his nose. “We’ll still go as slow as you need.”

“But what if we run out of time?” He asks. 

“We won't. I promise,” Steve says.  “I let us get torn apart too many times.  I won’t let it happen again.”

Bucky nods, leans into Steve’s arms.  There’s nothing left for them to say, for once.  When it’s time to land, Bucky retreats to his own chair and prepares himself because Steve isn’t the only one who’s going to fight tooth and nail to keep them together this time.  

**Author's Note:**

> I have a [tumblr](http://applejuiz.tumblr.com/) and a [book/a>](https://cristinafernandezbooks.com/books/people-like-us/)


End file.
